Cravings
by Nitestalker
Summary: Sequel to Addiction written by ColHogan. Major Hochstetter attempts to get Colonel Hogan addicted to heroin again. Can his men prevent this from happening? Help comes from an unlikely person at camp.
1. The Gift

CRAVINGS

AN: The sequel to Addiction was written with permission from ColHogan. Contains minor curse words and references to using illegal drugs. I do not make any ownership to Hogan's Heroes or any characters mentioned in the story.

Chapter 1: The Gift

It has been a few months since the Nazis tested a new "experimental drug" to make questioning prisoners more productive on Colonel Hogan. It wasn't until Hogan was rescued from Diels; they discovered the "experimental drug" was really heroin. Diels planed to get Hogan addicted to the heroin then with hold it until he gave them whatever information he desired just to get more of the drug. The original plan was once Diels got everything he could from Hogan, the next injection of the drug would have been his last. Hogan was going to die of an overdose to cover up what Diels was doing.

Fortunately for Hogan, Diels was killed and he was rescued before Diels could carry out his entire plan. It was a long, hard struggle for Hogan as he went through the withdrawal of not having the heroin. He even pushed the men who were trying to help him away. Thankfully, they all realized it was the heroin making him act the way he was and cut him some slack.

The cravings had affected him physically. His body hurt and he became extremely irritable; snapping at everyone. When he had a craving, he took a bite of chocolate and washed it down with a glass of water. This helped tremendously, except soon, chocolate came in short supply and a request for an air drop of a chocolate was made to London. At first London thought the request wasn't necessary and wasn't going to okay it. It wasn't until they discovered it was for Papa Bear before they considered the unusual request. After the request to get a pizza recipe from Garlotti's Pizzeria in New Jersey1, unusual requests from Papa Bear didn't surprise them and the request was granted.

To protect Hogan and his career, his men never told London the truth about what happened. The only thing London knew was an experimental drug was tested on Colonel Hogan. It bothered Hogan his men lied to London to protect him, because if London ever discovered the truth, they would all get into trouble.

Hogan's cravings for the drug have all but vanished. About the only time he needed the chocolate to help with the cravings was when London gave his operation a difficult mission or he was under a lot of stress. The voices and the nightmares were practically gone. He would have never made it this far without the help of his friends.

Sometimes he felt guilty for ever doubting their loyalty to him. When he remembers the lies Diels and the heroin told him, he couldn't believe he believed them. He knew his men better than that. He knew they would never abandon him.

The hold the heroin had was too strong for him to think clearly. He could have sworn it was really his men standing in his room, turning their backs on him. Many times Hogan mentally kicked himself for succumbing to the lies. But what choice did he have? He couldn't tell the difference between the truth and lies. Everything in his mind felt like it was spinning in a tornado. During the times, he hurt so bad, he didn't care or try to sort things out. He simply accepted what he saw and was told.

As his body lost most of its dependence on the drug, things became clearer. Most of the time with Diels, he didn't remember. All he really knew was what he was told and the few memories he had. At least he thought they were memories. They could have been hallucinations or nightmares brought on by the heroin. Part of him was afraid of what he still didn't know and Diels would be the only one who could answer his question; did he confess anything? He may never know the answer to the question since Diels was dead and if he did confess anything, it died with him; or so Hogan hoped.

So far, no one has come knocking on his door to arrest him for being a spy. If he did confess anything to Diels, he didn't tell anyone else. Or maybe he did and they were just waiting for the opportune time to arrest him.

It took a while, but he learned to stop dwelling on the "what ifs." Whatever happened, happened and there is nothing he could to do change it. All he could do is move forward and start business back up. If something happened as a result of his confession to Diels, they would just have to cross that bridge when they came to it.

Hogan and his men were enjoying the rest they had received from London after a difficult and stressful mission, almost resulting in the capture of one of his men. He knew it was his fault. He didn't eat any chocolate before going on the mission and he didn't take any with him. His ego told him he had everything under control enough to go back out. Was he ever wrong? A craving struck at the wrong time. The pain hit Hogan without any warning. The groan he let out gave their position away, almost causing the patrol to find them. They would have found Newkirk if he didn't give the patrol something else to chase; himself.

Absently, Hogan rubbed his arm. He was fortunate the guard on patrol wasn't a good shot. The bullet just grazed his arm. It would still leave a scar, reminding him of yet another mistake.

That was a rare case but a chance he wasn't going to take again. Until he was completely over the withdrawals, he wouldn't go out in the field again unless necessary. If something would have happened to his men because of the stupid cravings he had, he wouldn't be able to live with himself. Not to mention, London might find out why the mission was botched and arrest him and his men; if they lived through it. He didn't want that and wouldn't let that happen; no matter the cost.

A smile appeared on Hogan's face. Soon it would all be behind him and it would seem like a bad dream. All he had to do was go a little bit longer and there would be no cravings at all to put him or his men in jeopardy or to remind him of the horrible ordeal. Life would soon be back to normal.

The smile faded. But the scars and memories would always be there though. It didn't matter if his superiors knew the truth or not of what happened to him, he would know. Not to mention it would always be in the back of his mind; the fear of going into a relapse. Maybe he was a liability to everyone and he was just fooling himself into believing everything would be fine and he could run things like he did before the nightmare started.

"Colonel!" Corporal Louis LeBeau said as he rushed into the barracks. "Hochstetter just showed up. He's going into Klink's office and he's smiling."

"If he's smiling, we're in trouble. Let's listen in." The men followed Hogan into his office. Kinch plugged in the coffeepot which acted as a speaker for the microphone they have planted in Klink's office.

"Major Hochstetter, what a pleasant surprise," Kommandant Wilhelm Klink greeted. "What can I do for the Gestapo today?"

"You can have Colonel Hogan brought here immediately. I wish to give him a gift," the men heard Hochstetter say.

"Schultz, bring Colonel Hogan here at once," Klink ordered.

The men unplugged the coffeepot and assumed their casual positions in the common room.

"What do you think he wants to give you, Colonel?" asked Kinch.

"There's no telling." His mind raced frantically through all the possibilities for an answer. Did something happen on the last mission to give himself away and he was here to arrest him? Did a member of the underground talk? Did it have something to do with what he might have told Diels?

"Colonel Hogan, your presence is requested in the Kommandant's office," announced Schultz.

"Do you know what it's about?" asked Hogan.

Schultz shrugged. "I don't know. Have you been bad? Major Hochstetter looks awfully happy."

"We have been on our best behavior. Haven't we men?" All the men in the barracks nodded their head and voiced their agreement. "See, I told you so. Lead the way." Hogan nodded for his men to continue listening while he nervously followed Schultz.

Hogan waited patiently to be given permission to enter into Klink's office. The sooner he knew what was making Hochstetter happy, the sooner he knew how to make him unhappy. Schultz motioned for Hogan to enter. After a deep breath, Hogan entered. He immediately came to attention, saluting. "You wanted to see me, Kommandant?"

"No, Colonel, I did," said Hochstetter. "If you gentlemen will give us some privacy, what I have to give to Colonel Hogan must be done in private."

"Now see here, Major. I will not leave a Luftwaffe prisoner alone with the Gestapo. According to the Geneva…" Klink was cut off.

"I assure you, Kommandant, I will not lay one finger on Colonel Hogan." Hochstetter removed a small rectangular box from his pocket. "I only wish to give this gift to Colonel Hogan, but it is for his eyes only. A matter of security you might say."

The sweetness in Hochstetter's voice filled everyone who listened to it with trepidation. True to Hogan's nature, whenever he was scared, he made light of the situation. "I'll be okay with Wolfie. If I need you, I'll scream."

"We'll be just outside the door," warned Klink.

At last the room was empty. "So what is this gift, Major?" asked Hogan, getting down to the point.

Hochstetter handed the small box with a red bow on top to Hogan. "This will be the only time I will give it to you, with no strings attached. If you want any more of it, you'll need to talk Klink into letting you leave camp with me tomorrow. If you are pressured for a reason why, tell them you've decided, of your own free will, to give me a full confession."

"What makes you so sure I'll want to leave camp with you?" asked Hogan.

"You won't have any choice. You will desire more of what is in the box and the only way to get it is to come with me. Open it," said Hochstetter

With hesitation, Hogan opened the box. He stared torpidly inside the box at the syringe filled with a milky white liquid. He knew immediately what was in it. He knew he should close the box and throw it back at Hochstetter or in the very least, break the syringe.

But he couldn't.

All he could do is gaze at it as the hunger in him grew. The longer he stared at it; the stronger was Hogan's desire to have it.

"I know you have been a long time without the drug," said Hochstetter hypnotically as he circled Hogan. "I can tell by the expression on your face you crave the euphoric feeling its grasp has on you. Go on, Colonel, feed the hunger, and surrender to your craving. I'm sure you were shown how to give the injection yourself."

Without realizing it, Hogan nodded a yes in response.

"Good. What are you waiting for? Do it," urged Hochstetter.

HH

"I don't believe it!" exclaimed Newkirk. "That bloody Kraut is trying to get Colonel Hogan hooked on heroin again!"

"Oui! We got to stop him before it's too late!" said LeBeau.

"You guys go outside and start a large riot. Only stop when Colonel Hogan shows up," ordered Kinch.

The men rushed outside. Newkirk, LeBeau and Carter headed behind the barracks. Carter "accidentally" bumped into another prisoner; one he knew didn't care much for him. This should get an argument going.

"Hey, watch it you clumsy oaf!" yelled Martin as he shoved Carter.

"Now, who are you calling a clumsy oaf?" asked Newkirk as he stood between the two men.

"I think you need to apologize," said LeBeau folding his arms in disgust.

"Apologize for what? He ran into me?" said Martin completely confused.

Newkirk grabbed Martin by the collar, pulling him closer to him. In a low voice he said, "Play along. We need a large diversion." Martin nodded. In a much louder voice Newkirk said, "That's not the way I saw it."

Martin shoved Newkirk. LeBeau shoved Martin. "You can't do that to my friend."

A couple of Martin's friends ran up to the group. "What's going on here?" one of them asked.

"Diversion," said Newkirk in a low voice. "Martin here needs to be taught a lesson in manners." Newkirk punched Martin.

Before anyone knew what happened or why, six prisoners were fighting each other. Then the six grew rapidly. No one was safe from getting hit if they were within striking distance.

Kinch stepped in to try to "stop" the fight, but ended up joining the fight.

HH

Langenscheidt tried to stop the riot when Kinch's efforts failed. No one would listen to him either. It was obvious there was only one person who could gain control of these men. He ran to the Kommandantur "Herr, Kommandant, the prisoners are rioting. I cannot stop it. You must get Colonel Hogan to stop them!"

Not waiting for orders, Schultz immediately went into Klink's office. "Excuse me, Herr Major, but Colonel Hogan, you are needed outside; the prisoners are rioting." Hogan didn't pay Schultz any attention. "Colonel Hogan, did you hear me?" There was still no response. Schultz shook Hogan out of his hypnotic state. "Colonel, the prisoners are rioting. We need you to stop them before someone gets hurt."

Shaking his head, Hogan closed the box, slipped it into his pocket and stared at Schultz. "Are all Krauts helpless and can't do anything for themselves? asked Hogan irately as he pushed passed the Germans to go outside. "I don't think you guys could make it to the end of the war without me."

Shock at Hogan's response didn't begin describing the feeling Klink and Schultz shared. Hochstetter on the other hand grinned, knowing it was going to be easier than he thought to get Hogan addicted again to the heroin. With just a look at the syringe, Hogan experienced a powerful craving and if it wouldn't have been for the interruption, Hogan would have willingly surrendered to the call of the drug. With satisfaction in knowing his plan would work, Hochstetter left.

"Okay, Schultz, where is this damn riot?" yelled Hogan stepping on the porch.

"Ummm…over there behind Barracks 5," said Schultz sheepishly.

With Klink and Schultz in tow, Hogan marched to where Schultz directed him. Sure enough, there was a large mass of prisoners in a brawl. Hogan gave one of his famous high pitched whistles. "What the hell is going on here?"

It didn't matter if the prisoners were in the middle of throwing a punch or getting up from being knocked down, everyone froze in place. It was quiet enough to hear a pin drop. "I'm still waiting for an answer."

Kinch tapped Hogan on the shoulder. "What!" Hogan snapped.

"Can we talk?" asked Kinch.

"All I want is answers on what started this fight," said Hogan. "If I don't get them right now, I'm confining everyone here to barracks for a week with all privileges revoked for two weeks!"

"It's about the fight," said Kinch.

Klink stepped closer to hear what had happened. It wasn't like his prisoners to fight without a good reason.

Knowing he couldn't say what he needed to in front of Klink, Kinch glanced at Klink then back to Hogan. Hogan picked up on the hint. "Get the hell out of here, Kommandant. I'll handle this.

Taken back at Hogan's tone of voice, Klink nodded. "You better or I will. I expect men to be punished for this."

Once they were alone, Kinch began. "We know what Hochstetter gave you. We knew if we didn't do something, there was a good chance you would have a setback." Kinch held up a piece of chocolate and a cub of water.

Hogan knocked the offered items away. "Not hungry. I want everyone to break it up. No more fighting. The next person I catch fighting, I'll personally throw in the cooler for two weeks." Hogan pushed past his men and hurried to the barracks. Right now, the last thing he wanted to do was be around people. Discreetly, he patted his pocket containing the gift Hochstetter gave him and smiled.

1 Episode 22 The Pizza Parlor


	2. Temptations

Chapter 2: Temptations

Newkirk, LeBeau and Carter gathered around Kinch. "Wow! It has been a long time since he's been like this," said Carter, not believing what he just witnessed.

"Yea, and that bloody kraut had to awaken the cravings," said Newkirk in disgust.

"What are we going to do now?" asked LeBeau. "We can't get him to eat any chocolate to help with the cravings."

Kinch stared toward Barracks 2. "We will just have to be there for him. At least Hochstetter is gone. I saw him leave shortly after Colonel Hogan came over here."

"What happened to the syringe?" asked Carter.

"I'm assuming Colonel Hogan gave it back to him," said Kinch with an uneasy feeling.

"Pardon me boys. I don't want you to think I was eavesdropping, but I heard some of what you were saying," said Schultz when he finished scattering the prisoners. "What were you saying about a syringe?"

"We believe Hochstetter is trying to get Colonel Hogan addicted to heroin again," said Carter.

"Carter!" everyone yelled in unison.

"What?" Carter asked.

"You just told Schultz about the drug. Now he has to report it to Klink who will report it to the Red Cross who will report it to the Allies and it will go in his permanent record," said Newkirk, angrily. "Schultz, you got to understand something, Colonel Hogan didn't choose this, and it was forced on him."

"Oui. That snake Diels is responsible for Colonel Hogan's addiction," said LeBeau. "Colonel Hogan would never willingly do this to himself."

"I understand how damaging something like that can be and I have no intention on doing anything to get Colonel Hogan into trouble. But I heard you say something about giving Hochstetter the syringe back. Are you referring to the syringe Hochstetter gave Colonel Hogan in Kommandant Klink's office?" asked Schultz.

"What do you know about the syringe?" asked Kinch.

"I walked in and saw Colonel Hogan staring at it like I stare at LeBeau's strudel. After I finally got Colonel Hogan's attention, he closed the box and stuck it in his pocket," said Schultz. "He didn't give it back to Hochstetter."

The men glanced at each other, now understanding why Hogan hurried back to the barracks so fast. Everyone quickly rushed to Barracks 2. Kinch banged on Hogan's door. "Colonel, can we come in? There is something we need to discuss with you?" There was no answer. "Colonel, open the door please or we're coming in." There was still no answer.

Kinch turned the knob and pushed on the door. It didn't open. Apparently, Hogan had something blocking it. "Colonel, please remove whatever you have blocking the door and let us in!"

"What are we going to do now?" asked LeBeau.

"I think I must tell Kommandant Klink what is going on," said Schultz.

"You can't! Do you know what that will do to his career?" asked Newkirk.

"You ask me to trust you sometimes and now I am asking you to trust me. Kommandant Klink wouldn't do anything to hurt Colonel Hogan or get him into trouble either; at least not when it comes to this. You have to trust me on this. I believe he can help," said Schultz.

"What choice do we have?" asked Kinch. Once he received the go ahead nods from the men, Kinch motioned for him to go."Go get him."

HH

Hogan rushed into his room, slamming the door behind him. Knowing how smart his men are, once they figured it out, they wouldn't leave him alone; he quickly moved his bed in front of the door. Next he went to the windows and secured them shut.

After removing the small box from his pocket, he sat down at his desk.

_Free me, Robert, from this prison and I will make all your pain and troubles go away. I know you miss me. I'm here now. Open the box and free me._

Hogan obeyed the voice and opened the box. He stared eagerly at the syringe. With a shaky hand, he wiped the sweat from his forehead.

_Hold me Robert. Caress me. I can feel your desire for me. There is no reason to hold back. I have come back to you so we may be reunited. No one has to know about us. I can feel your pain growing. The longer you wait the more pain and discomfort you will be in._

Picking up the syringe, he gazed at it pensively. He did desire the euphoria the milky white liquid would bring him. The pain within him grew just as the voice said it would.

_You are a big boy, Robert and know what to do. Don't be afraid, I will help you. I am your only true friend. I will never let you down like the others. The others who say they are your friends are not your true friends. They don't want to see you happy and will do whatever it takes to make sure you are not happy._

Gently, Hogan set the syringe back in the box then removed his jacket, letting it fall on the floor. He rolled up his shirt sleeve and removed his belt. The belt he tied tightly around his arm to make it easier to find a vein.

Picking up the syringe again, he made sure it was ready. He located the vein he would use. Before he inserted the needle into his arm, he glanced around to make sure he was alone. He paused when he saw Diels in the corner urging him to go ahead. At the moment, he forgot where he was and the fact Diels was dead. Right now, he only cared about one thing; the heroin and the relief it would bring him.

After he inserted the needle in his arm, he froze. The scars from before changed into the faces of his men and stared back at him. _Fight it, Colonel. It's not too late._ _Think of us; of your command. Don't throw your life a way. Don't listen to the drug. We care about you and will never turn our backs on you. We only want what's best for you._

_Don't listen to them. Listen to _me, said the drug. _Take me. I'm the only thing that will give you peace and happiness. You know Hochstetter is coming back tomorrow. You will go with him and he will give you all the heroin you desire. It will only be a matter of time before you lose the struggle and give in. You can't win! Admit defeat and inject me into your veins now and get it over with. Save yourself from the pain you are going through._

Hogan stared down at the scars again then closed his eyes.

HH

"Herr Kommandant! You must come quickly. It's Colonel Hogan. He has barricaded himself in his room," said Schultz.

"Why? What is going on? Is this some ploy of Hogan's to cover…" Klink was cut off.

Schultz was almost in tears as he explained what was happening. "When Diels took Colonel Hogan from here a while ago, he got him addicted to heroin. Major Hochstetter is trying to get Colonel Hogan addicted to the heroin again. Hochstetter gave Colonel Hogan a syringe filled with a milky white substance and now he has locked himself in his room and won't answer his men."

Klink paled. _Did Schultz just say get him addicted to it again? Diels got him addicted earlier!_ Klink grabbed his coat and rushed over to Barracks 2. When he entered, he saw a group of men gathered at Hogan's door. "I want everyone except for Sergeants Kinchloe and Carter and Corporals LeBeau and Newkirk out of here."

Once everyone was out, Klink approached Hogan's door. "Colonel Hogan, this is Colonel Klink. Please open the door." There was no answer. "I know what is going on. If you don't open this door, you force me to have my men break it down. If I have to break it down, you will be stripped to your underwear and thrown in the cooler.

"You can't do that! It's against the Geneva…" Newkirk was cut off.

"I know it is, but keeping him alive is more important." Klink ignored the confused expression on the men's faces and focused back on Hogan. "Colonel, I understand the struggle you are going through and we want to help you. We care about you."

"The only thing you care about is your precious record. There is no way you can possibly know what I'm going through!" yelled Hogan.

"At least he responded," said Carter.

"Think what you want about me, but I am staring at four men who would give their lives for you. As for not knowing what you are going through…I know exactly what you are going through. I know how bad the pains of withdrawals are and I know how wonderful the euphoria is as the heroin rushes through your veins." Klink glanced briefly at the men staring at him before he continued. "I know what it's like when the only thing you can think about is the relief the heroin will give you. I understand the shame and guilt you feel for giving into the drug to satisfy your own selfish needs while ignoring those closest to you."

There was a moment of silence. Then they heard something big scrapping across the floor in Hogan's room. The door opened. "How do you know these things?"

"Simple. They are things no heroin addict will ever forget." Everyone stared at Klink in stunned silence.

"You? You were an addict?" asked Hogan.

Klink nodded. "No one outside of this barracks knows about it and I trust it will stay that way." The men nodded their heads. "I won't go into details, but toward the end of the Great War, I was injured and given morphine for the pain. I realized the morphine not only helped me with the pain, but also deal with all the carnage I had seen in the trenches. After my wounds had healed, I still relied on the morphine to help me forget the memories. My CO picked up on the addiction and got me some help. I was given another kind of opiate, one that was guaranteed to not be addictive. They were wrong. I didn't find out until it was too late how addictive heroin could be. I pushed my family and friends away. I found myself doing thing's I'm not proud of just to be able to get what I needed; what I craved.

"There was one friend who sought me out when he discovered what was going on. No matter what I did to him, he stayed with me and helped me get through it. If not for him, I probably would have died a long time ago." The men stayed silent pondering what Klink had said.

"I know you still have the syringe Hochstetter gave you. I can have my men search your room and forcibly take it from you. Or you can hand it over," said Klink in a calm, quiet voice.

"Sir," Kinch interrupted. "I think we can handle it from here. We'll get it from him. Thanks."

Klink stared at Kinch. "I believe you can. However, until further notice, Colonel Hogan is not to be left alone for any reason. If I see you are unable to handle it, I will assign one of my "not tamed" guards to be with him. If you should require anything, let me know."

After Klink and Schultz left, the men entered Hogan's room. They saw his jacket lying on the floor and his belt on the desk. "Colonel, the decision is yours about giving us the syringe. We can take it from you, but it isn't helping you. By you giving it to us, you are telling yourself you don't need it and you will be helping yourself."

Hogan sat at his desk. "I'm not strong enough. Hochstetter will be back tomorrow expecting to find a hopeless addict who will willingly go with him and divulge everything I know about the Allies and underground. I also know there will be no way to stop myself. Many people will lose their lives and there is nothing I can do about it."

"You can start by giving us the syringe, Sir," said Newkirk.

"What if he's already injected it?" asked Carter.

"If he did, he wouldn't be talking coherently with us," said Newkirk.

"Besides, after what he went through the last time, he wouldn't risk going through it again," said LeBeau.

Hogan began to cry. "I almost did. I almost gave in." Hogan rolled his sleeve up, revealing the fresh puncture mark.

"But, Sir?" said Newkirk.

Hogan handed Kinch the box with the syringe. "I wanted to so badly. It was all I could think about. It was all I cared about. I got as far as sticking the needle in my arm, but I couldn't push the plunger down. I saw the scars from before and remembered a promise I made to my true friends. I can't go through this again. But I don't know what to do when Hochstetter tries again tomorrow. I'm not strong enough to resist him again."

"You've won the first battle. We'll worry about tomorrow later." Kinch handed Hogan a piece of chocolate and a cup of water. "You get some rest and let us handle things."

Hogan accepted the chocolate and water. "Thanks, men. I'm sorry you had to see me like this."

"Sir, we are always here for you. We know you won't be like yourself for awhile and we accept it. We know not to take anything personally," said Newkirk. "You need to remember this isn't your fault. You didn't choose to be addicted to heroin. That monster forced you. I know how strong the call of the drug is. You have nothing to be ashamed for."

"But you shouldn't have to deal with mood swings because of the cravings," said Hogan. "Look what happened on the last mission; I almost got you captured because of a craving. You don't deserve this."

"Let us worry about it. We know you like your privacy, but I agree with Klink you shouldn't be a lone for a while. As long as you promise to leave your door open, I won't make someone stay in here with you. Deal?" asked Kinch.

Hogan nodded. "Deal. Thanks again men."


	3. Help

Chapter 3: Help

Hogan's men gathered in the tunnels so they could discuss what to do without alerting the rest of the men as to what Hochstetter was really trying to get Hogan addicted to. As far as the rest of the men knew, it was an experimental drug.

"We have helped Colonel Hogan win this fight, but what about tomorrow when Hochstetter shows up again. He is going to expect Colonel Hogan to be a hopeless drug addict who will do whatever he wants just to get a fix. We can't let him remove the gov'nor from camp," said Newkirk.

"So we make him do what he's going to do to him here in camp," suggested Carter.

"Like that's going to make a difference," said Newkirk.

"Wait. Carter's right. We have to get Hochstetter to bring the drug here and let Colonel Hogan administer the drug himself," suggested Kinch.

Everyone gaped at Kinch like he lost his mind. "Are you nuts!" exclaimed Newkirk.

"I think I've been hanging around Colonel Hogan too long. But we need Klink's help. We have to come up with an identical syringe with a milky white substance that's not addictive and won't hurt Colonel Hogan. Any suggestions, Carter?" asked Kinch.

Carter shook his head. "I'm not sure."

"Maybe Klink can help us in that area as well. Carter, come with me to talk with him. But first…" Kinch threw the syringe on the ground and stompted on it. "I think it's best if there's no temptation around for Colonel Hogan. As strong of a hold the addiction has on Colonel Hogan, he's liable to either find it himself or force one of us to give it to him."

"He wouldn't do that," said LeBeau steadfastly. Then a little less sure he said, "Would he?"

"I don't know, but I know I feel better knowing it's of no use to anyone. Let's go, Carter." Kinch headed toward the ladder, hoping he was doing the right thing.

HH

Kinch knocked on Klink's door. "Come in." The two men stood at attention before Klink. "I'm sorry, Sergeants, all requests must go through Colonel Hogan."

"Sir, it's about Colonel Hogan," said Kinch.

Klink froze, afraid Hogan had done something foolish. "What is it? What happened?"

"Nothing for the moment, Sir. He's resting in his room. We are concerned about tomorrow when Hochstetter shows up again. He told the colonel if he wanted more of the drug, he had to talk you into letting him leave camp with Hochstetter." Kinch paused a moment before he continued. "We both know what will happen if Hochstetter is allowed to leave camp with Colonel Hogan."

Nodding, Klink said, "And the shot while trying to escape report will be to cover up the fact Colonel Hogan died of a drug overdose no doubt."

"Yea, that's kind of what we were thinking. Sir, unless he has orders, which we don't believe he will, you are the only person who can keep Colonel Hogan in camp." As Kinch went over the next bit in his mind, he still wasn't sure it was the right thing to do, but he was at a loss for anything else. "You need to convince Hochstetter to do whatever it is he had planed to do the Colonel here in camp."

"Let me see if I have this straight. Instead of Hochstetter taking Colonel Hogan to some hole somewhere and forcing the heroin upon him, you want him to do it here? What difference is it going to make?" asked Klink.

"We are hoping Hochstetter will give Colonel Hogan the syringe and let him inject himself." Kinch held up his hand to stop the comment. "The plan is to use a little bit of slight of hand to switch the heroin for something identical, but not addictive or harmful to Colonel Hogan. Problem is we don't have an idea of what it would be. Carter here knows some chemistry and we thought maybe you could have some pointers."

"What makes you think once Colonel Hogan sees the syringe filled with heroin, he will switch them?" asked Klink.

"Right now; an insane amount of faith. Can you help us or not?" asked Kinch.

Klink took a piece of paper and scribbled some medicines on it and handed it to Carter. "Do you know what those drugs are, Sergeant?"

"I don't know what the first one is, but the second one I remember has a nasty side effect of affecting a person's equilibrium, making them extremely dizzy. The next one is used to induce vomiting. The one after that is what they give people who have ingested a poison and the last one is a sedative," said Carter.

"Very good, Sergeant. I didn't expect you to have heard of the first one. It is a Nazi invention to combat heroin addiction. It gives the same euphoric affect without some of the other side affects. However, when used at full strength, it can become addictive as well. This cocktail is what my friend gave me to help me not crave the heroin any more. It can be used to fool the mind into believing heroin is being injected when it really isn't. The side affects from the other ingredients will cause negative connotations to taking the drug," said Klink.

"If you don't mind me asking, Sir, what do you do when you get a craving?" asked Kinch. "Maybe it is something we can use with the colonel? I'm sure he's getting tired of chocolate by now."

"I'm afraid it won't work for him since he is in an all male camp," said Klink with a look of embarrassment.

"I'm afraid I don't understand," said Kinch.

"It is something a gentleman doesn't talk about," said Klink politely.

"Oh." Kinch bowed his head, covering his face with his hand.

"I don't get it. What is it?" asked Carter.

"I'll explain it to you when you get older. But, Sir, we don't have any of these ingredients and if we did, we don't know how to mix them together," said Kinch.

"I will be going into town shortly. I will pick up everything you will need and write out the instructions. Schultz will bring it by later. If there is nothing else, I need to get ready for my date. Dismissed."

HH

_Robert, you are not only a disgrace to your uniform, but every American, yourself and your family. I am ashamed to have a drug addict for a son._

_Please dad, it's not my fault! Give me another chance. I'll make you proud of me. You'll see._

_You are no longer my son and have no right calling me dad. Don't plan on coming home, you no longer have a home to come home to. The only way for you to bring honor to you is to die over there. No one here wants or cares about you any more._

Tears flowed from Hogan's eyes as his father's words hurt him. He never thought he would lose his respect. "I'm sorry. I'll do whatever it takes to make you proud of me." Hogan mumbled in his sleep.

HH

LeBeau and Newkirk were sitting at the table in the common room when they heard Hogan mumble. They went into his room to check on him. "Poor, Colonel. I can't make out what he is saying. I shall awaken him." Just before LeBeau woke Hogan up, he started mumbling again.

"Please dad, forgive me. It's not my fault. I'm trying to resist. Please don't turn your back on me as well. It's bad enough my men have, but please not you. If that is what it takes to make you proud of me again, I'll do it."

"Not again. How many times must we tell him we didn't turn our backs on him and we are here for him?" asked LeBeau.

"It's the voice of the drug convincing him we turned our backs on him. Sure he hasn't had the drug in a long time, but it doesn't mean it hasn't left apart of itself in his brain. That's why he still has the cravings. It doesn't release its hold too easy," said Newkirk.

Hogan quit mumbling and started crying. Newkirk stopped LeBeau from waking him up. "He needs to do this. Let's leave him be for now."

The two men went back into the common room. Newkirk lit a cigarette and smoked it while LeBeau poured himself a cup of coffee. "Peter, why did you try heroin?"

"The dumbest thing I ever did in my life. I had a friend I considered really smart and had everything going for him. I hadn't seen him in a while, so I paid him a visit. He had just given himself an injection. 'Try it Pete. It's the greatest feeling of your life.' Seeing as he was the smartest person I knew, I listened to him." Newkirk paused. "The euphoria was indescribable. Later the withdrawals scared me. I didn't like feeling like that. Mark told me they would go away after another hit. I was ready to shoot up again when I seemed to really see Mark; really see what the heroin had done to him. I didn't want myself to be dependent on a drug just to be happy. I saw how he lost everything because he only cared about the heroin. He lost his wife and kid and his job. He turned into a bum. I told him no and walked away."

Newkirk was silent for a moment as he remembered everything like it was yesterday. "Staying away was hard. The drug creates a very convincing voice in your head. It tries talking you into taking the heroin again and doing whatever it takes to get it. For a small moment, it had me believing all my friends had turned on me. I almost went back. Later I heard Mark had been sick with infection like the colonel was. It didn't stop him from shooting up though. This time, he shot up not for the euphoria, but to get rid of the pain. He died of an overdose not too long later. I felt bad for not doing more to help him, but at the time, I was having a hard time of it myself. I made myself a promise if given the chance; I would do whatever it took to help any addicts I come across. Since then, Colonel Hogan is the only one I've come across. Part of me knew who was doing drugs and stayed away because I didn't trust myself to resist the urge to shoot up."

"I never knew all of this, Peter. I never gave it any thought how difficult this must be for you. Do you still crave it?" asked LeBeau.

Newkirk shook his head. "The heroin didn't have a good hold on me. After a few months, I had no more cravings. Even now, I don't have any. If anything, the thought of it repulses me."

"I hope for Colonel Hogan's sake, Kinch and Carter can get Klink to help. If not, I don't know what we're going to do." Newkirk crushed out his cigarette as he glanced at his superior officer, a man he came to respect. It broke his heart to see such a good, strong man, who always put others before himself, go through such a fight.


	4. The Cocktail

Chapter 4: The Cocktail

Later that evening, Schultz showed up with a box. Carter eagerly opened it. Inside were vials labeled with the names of the medicines from the piece of paper in Klink's office, the instructions on how to prepare the medicines, in what proportions to mix them in, a special alcohol burner and a couple of flasks.

Carter double checked his measurements and steps. He couldn't afford to mess up; not with Hogan's life on the line.

Hogan entered the room after taking a nap. "What are you doing, Carter?"

"Making something for you," said Carter as he carefully mixed the ingredients together.

The longing look was back in Hogan's eyes when he saw the milky white liquid. In a trance like state, Hogan approached Carter. "Is it what I think it is?"

"Not really," answered Kinch. "Klink said this is a cocktail he took to help with the cravings and we hope to also fool Hochstetter and debunk the "experimental drug" program."

"I don't understand," said Hogan still staring at the liquid.

Hogan listened as Kinch informed him of the plan "Are you nuts? Do you really expect Hochstetter to just let me do it by myself? Chances are he'll take me to the cooler and cuff me to the bars and inject me himself. It won't work. I want everyone to start packing. As soon as I leave with Hochstetter, I want you to warn the underground and get out of here."

"Colonel, you can't give up without a fight," said LeBeau. "Please give it a try first."

"If you give in now, the Nazis win. They'll know the drug works and will use it on other prisoners. This may even give the Nazis the upper hand and allow them to win the war," said Newkirk.

"The Colonel Hogan I know would do everything humanly possible to stop or debunk a project that would help the Nazis win. I never knew giving up without a fight was part of his vocabulary," said Carter almost in tears.

Hogan stood in silence. His men had so much faith in him. _How could they have so much faith in a junky? They have no reason to trust me._ "What makes you think I'm strong enough to switch the syringes?"

"If you're not, then they win," said Kinch flatly.

The look in everyone's eyes gave Hogan hope and strength. "I'll try it. I won't let you down. Now give me more details about this cocktail."

Hogan listened to Carter explain what was in the vials plus the side effects he would experience from it. The problem was, Carter used the medical terms to describe everything and he didn't understand a word of it.

"Carter, can you explain it so I can understand it?" asked Hogan.

"Gee, Colonel, I don't know how much simpler I can put it? Newkirk, you understood what I was saying, right?" asked Carter.

"I sure did little mate," said Newkirk.

"Now explain it to me so I understand it," ordered Hogan.

"You see, Sir, it's just like Carter said. After you take the cocktail, you will fill euphoria from the opiate and it will be followed by some minor side effects. None of which are harmful and it's non addictive," said Newkirk.

"I have a sneaky feeling I'm not being told everything." Hogan picked up the syringe and stared at it. It looked so much like the syringe with the heroin; he wouldn't have been able to tell the difference. For all he knew, this syringe could have been filled with heroin.

_Take it to see if it is? See if it will satisfy your cravings like I can. I assure you, nothing else will be able to take my place. _

He was so focused on the syringe; he didn't hear his men talking to him. Finally, Kinch took the syringe from Hogan's hand. "What did you do that for?" Hogan snapped.

"Because you are consumed by it. You didn't hear a word we were saying," said Kinch.

"I was?" Hogan was taken back at Kinch's statement. "Sorry, fella's. You have no idea now hard this is. You honestly believe I'll be able to switch them?"

Newkirk placed his hand on Hogan's shoulder. "We're behind you a thousand percent and have that much faith in you. To be honest with you, Colonel, after spending almost three years breaking you in, we'd hate to have to break in a new CO this late in the game."

Hogan stared at Newkirk with disbelief. When he saw Newkirk smile, he returned the smile. "That would be a shame. I don't think there is another officer who could tolerate you until the end of the war. By the way, Newkirk, I believe this belongs to you." Hogan handed Newkirk his wallet.

Everyone laughed. "You're getting better, Colonel. You're still not as talented as me, but you're getting better." Newkirk handed Hogan his wallet back. Everyone laughed again. It felt good to laugh considering, there may not be anything to laugh about tomorrow.

"Roll Call," Schultz bellowed as he entered the barracks. "Everyone out. Raus!"

"We're going." Hogan zipped up his jacked. Without looking, Hogan placed his hand on the table where Kinch had laid the syringe down. Instead of finding the syringe, he found a piece of chocolate. Hogan gave a puzzling stare.

"It's better for you," said Kinch with a smile.

With a little disgust at being forced to use chocolate to satisfy his craving, he put a piece in his mouth. He followed it with a quick drink of water then stood with his men outside.

"You're late, Colonel," said Klink, flatly.

"I was finishing my dessert. If I left it, the resident rodents might decide to finish it for me," said Hogan with a smile.

"Colonel, I warn you repeatedly about being in formation on time. If one person is so much as one second late to roll call in the future, everyone in Barracks 2 will be confined to barracks for two weeks. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes, Sir, Kommandant." _What did he do, strike out on his date with the barmaid? Just because he doesn't know how to catch a girl, it doesn't mean he needs to take it out on us. Maybe when I get through this, I should write some notes down for Klink on sure fire ways to get a girl. I may need to ask Klink for a chance to show him they work. After all, I got to stay in shape._ Hogan smiled when he thought about some of the underground agents he would love to practice on. One in particular kept coming to his mind.

Looking around, Hogan realized he was the only one standing there. Apparently Klink had dismissed everyone and he missed it. Without appearing awkward, he pretended he had been staring at the sky.

"Colonel Hogan, you must go in now," said Schultz.

"I know. I just wanted to take one last look at the sky. You realize tonight is a bomber's moon. I was just remembering…" Hogan was cut off.

"That is nice, but Colonel Hogan, I don't want to see you or your men get into trouble. Please go in and stare at the sky from your window. I don't know why, but Kommandant Klink seems very angry with you lately. Have you been bad or up to something. Wait. Don't tell me, I don't want to know," said Schultz.

"After dealing with Hochstetter, I haven't had time to get into anything." Hogan went inside before he did get his men into trouble. The last thing he needed was to be on Klink's bad side and for him to not play his part tomorrow and stand up to Hochstetter.

Hogan shook his head. _If all this rests on Klink standing up to Hochstetter, I might as well save Hochstetter the trip and go to Gestapo headquarters now. Klink is all jellyfish and couldn't stand up to a girl scout who wanted to argue with him_

"Good night, men. See you in the morning." Hogan went into his room. Out of habit, he almost closed his door. The clearing of everyone's throat reminded him to leave it open. With a sigh, he opened it then lay down for the night.


	5. Nightmares

Chapter 5: Nightmares

That night, Hogan tossed and turned. He could feel his body cramping up as memories flashed in his head from his ordeal with Diels.

Faces floated around talking to him. Some were of his men and members of the underground. Others were the Gestapo, Klink and Schultz. Each face told him something different. Some told him to give in and take the drug. Others told him not to.

Soon, Diels face was the only one he saw. The only voice he heard. He kept asking questions; questions he didn't want to answer, but at the same time, he couldn't stop himself from answering.

"_Who do you get your orders from?" asked Diels._

"_London. Now give it to me." _Hogan recognized his voice, but he couldn't have said it. He would never tell anyone. "Don't answer. Can't answer any more questions," Hogan mumbled.

"_Not just yet. I have more questions I want to ask you first. Are you Papa Bear?" Diels asked._

"_Yes. Yes, I'm Papa Bear now give me the drug! I need it!" Hogan demanded._

"NOOOOOOO!" Hogan yelled. He sat up quickly, drenched in sweat. His mouth was dry.

The small room was quickly filled by his men. "Are you alright, Colonel?" asked Kinch.

"Yea, just a bad dream. Get out of here and go back to bed," said Hogan with more irritation than he wanted to.

"Yes, Sir." The men left Hogan alone.

Once alone, Hogan thought back to his dream. Was it just a dream or is it what really happened? Did he really confess to Diels he was Papa Bear just to get a fix? If he did, who else did Diels tell or who else knows about his secret?

Hogan paced quickly with worry. Did, thanks to the stupid drug, he compromise the entire operation and everything they had worked for?

He curled up into a ball in the corner of his room and cried. Everything was in a mess thanks to him. The Gestapo was probably just buying their time, waiting for the opportune moment to strike and arrest the entire underground network.

_I have to order the evacuation of camp and notify the underground they have to leave. I can't risk any of them getting arrested or tortured by the Gestapo_. Hogan stood and paced again.

Then he stopped suddenly. He was falling apart. _Stop it, Robert! You are paranoid. Then again, spies have to be paranoid in order to stay alive. I can't let the dream affect me. It was just a dream. There is no way I would confess something like that just for a fix._

Hogan doubled over in pain as his body started cramping. With each breath, the pain intensified. He wanted to scream. When he opened his mouth, nothing came out. He curled into the fetal position and cried as the pain consumed him. _Make it stop. I'll do anything just please make it stop._

_I'm the only one who can take your pain away._ The voice Hogan heard belonged to Diels. _I told you this would happen if you left me. Come back to me and all will be forgiven. Come back to me Papa Bear and I will take away your pain._

_You're dead. A true friend would not lie to me or get me addicted to heroin. Those men out there are my true friends. Not you,_ replied Hogan.

_If they are such great friends, why aren't they in here with you now? I am here with you and I will never leave. You can count on me to be there when no one else is._

With another stab of pain, Hogan arched and thrashed. He had to fight the craving. He had to. After a moment, Hogan opened his eyes. Remembering there was a bar of chocolate on his desk; he crawled painfully to it. With some difficulty, he reached up for it. The pain was too great; he had to bring his arm back down.

No, he refused to let the craving win. He would not let the heroin control him. After a few deep breaths, he reached again for the chocolate. This time, he made it. Quickly, he tore open the wrapper and started eating. A few moments later, the pain eased up enough for him to get some water from the picture under his mirror.

Unlike the other times, the pain didn't completely disappear. _Not this time Papa Bear. I won't allow you to satisfy your cravings with chocolate. There is only one thing you can count on; the heroin. You know Kinch still has the syringe hidden somewhere. Make him give it to you. If he doesn't, then it confirms he is no friend of yours and you will dispose of him. You can't afford to have fake friends around._

Quietly, Hogan crept into the common room. He went to the bench where a pistol was hidden. After making sure it was loaded, he approached Kinch's bed. "Sergeant, you will give me the syringe now," ordered Hogan in a whisper.

"I'm afraid I can't do that, Sir," said Kinch with a look of surprise.

"You will give it to me and that's an order, Sergeant. If you don't, then you will suffer the consequences." Hogan pointed the pistol at Kinch.

Slowly, Kinch sat up. "Go ahead and shoot me, because I'm not giving it to you. Are you going to throw your military career and life away for a stupid drug?"

"I need the heroin now! I can't fight it any more. The cravings have become too strong. I'm going to give Hochstetter what he wants. After we leave here, you get the rest of the men and the underground safe. At least this way, my information will be useless," said Hogan.

"And what about the military secrets you know? Are you going to somehow forget about them? You do this and the Nazis win. They will have succeeded in closing down Papa Bear's operation as well as many other underground networks," reminded Kinch.

"I have nothing left to fight with. I'm tired of fighting. I want it to be over. I'm asking for the last time, give me the heroin," demanded Hogan.

Seeing Newkirk creep up behind Hogan, Kinch shook his head. Now was not the time to try to force the gun from Hogan. Newkirk held his position, ready for the signal from Kinch.

Standing slowly, Kinch said, "That settles it then, the Nazis win. Robert, since you are determined to place your need for a fix before our friendship, you might as well pull the trigger. I don't want to be around to see the Nazis win because you gave up without trying.

There was a moment of silence before Hogan started crying. He sat on the bench. "What have I done? I'm not fit to command or to live."

"Sir, you're under terrible stress night now. You need to put the gun away and go back to bed," said Kinch calmly.

"I can't go through it. I won't be able to resist. I have no choice but to let Hochstetter win. The one comforting thought will be as soon as I tell Hochstetter everything he wants to know, I'll be dead." Hogan placed his head in his hands and cried some more.

Kinch sat beside Hogan, placing his hand on Hogan's shoulder. "Friends look out for each other. Hochstetter may kill you quickly when he's through extracting information from you. Then again, he may torture you for the fun of it because he can. I won't let you go through that. If after trying everything possible and Hochstetter is still going to leave camp with you, I'll make sure he doesn't leave here with you alive."

Wiping his tear filled eyes, Hogan stared at Kinch. "You would do that for me?" Kinch nodded. Hogan glanced down at the gun still in his hand. _If I'm dead, no one will be able to get any information from me and the pain will all be over. I now know what I have to do. It's the only way to earn my dad's respect back._

"I'll save you the trouble." Hogan raised the gun toward his head.

It was a good thing, Hogan's reflexes were slow and Kinch's were fast at the moment. Without a moment's hesitation, Kinch yanked the gun from Hogan's hand. He tossed it to Newkirk. "Get rid of that. Sir, let's go into your room."

He allowed himself to be lead by Kinch to his room. "Newkirk, can you do damage control?"

"I'm on it," said Newkirk.


	6. Damage Control

Chapter 6: Damage Control

A/N: Warning, there are a couple of minor curse words in the story. Enjoy.

Newkirk explained the truth to the men in the barracks. Some of them still didn't approve and others accepted what they were trying to do.

"If he's an addict, then he's a liability. You just saw that," said Barns

"Did you forget about the part where the Nazis made him an addict? We almost had this thing licked until Hochstetter showed up," said Newkirk.

"Okay, say he gets through this one, what about the next time? All junkies have a price and they will give up anything for that fix. I say we tell London the truth and ship Colonel Hogan to them. He's of no use to us here," said Barns. His comment was met with a few agreements.

Newkirk forced Barns to take a few steps back when he approached him. "We are not giving up on Colonel Hogan. We will not notify London until all other resources have been exhausted. It will take some time, but the cocktail Carter was working on earlier is supposed to end or reduce his cravings to almost non existent. From what I understand, it will also make it to where his body will no longer even want to hear the word heroin."

There was silence. Newkirk paced around the room, staring each man in the eyes. "If we can free the Gov'nor from the hold the drug has on him, then everything will be back to normal. But it is imperative no one else knows what the experimental drug really is. If I find out anyone of you blokes told someone outside of this barracks about it, you will have to answer to me."

"And me," said LeBeau.

"And me," said Carter.

"Are we in agreement then?" asked Newkirk.

"Whatever you say. But at the first sign of this plan of yours going south, you better correct it or I will." With a huff, Barns went back to bed.

HH

Kinch sat beside Hogan on his bed. "I've really messed things up. No one will ever trust me again. I'm all washed up; finished. I can kiss my military career good-bye…"

Patiently, Kinch listened to Hogan ramble on about how he messed things up. If Newkirk could get everyone in the common room to not say anything and he can convince Hogan, they haven't reached the point of no return yet, there is a good chance they could still save Hogan's life and career.

After about ten minutes of pacing and rambling, Hogan sat beside Kinch again. "What do you think?"

Just as Kinch opened his mouth to answer, Hogan went back to pacing and rambling. After five more minutes of patiently listening, Kinch was able to get a word in edge wise. "Colonel, it's not too late. Newkirk is doing damage control; he's handling the men in the other room. If this cocktail of Klink's works, there is a good chance you won't have any more cravings. True, some of the men may not trust you for a while, but I have no doubt you will earn their trust again. You have to keep trying. You were able to stop yourself when you had the needle in your arm and you didn't pull the trigger. That tells me you still have some fight left in you. Remember, this is not a fight you have to fight alone. We will be right there with you no matter what."

"Kinch, can you ever forgive me for trying to kill you?" asked Hogan.

"Colonel, it might have been your body holding the gun, but it wasn't you. After some of the things you said to me when you were rescued from Diels, I was hurt really bad. After thinking about it, I realized it was the heroin talking and not you. We have been through too much together to just start hating each other that easily," said Kinch.

Almost chocking on the words, Hogan asked, "Did you mean what you said about not letting Hochstetter take me out of here alive?"

"Yes, and not because you had a gun pointed at me. A true friend will do everything they can to protect their friends from harm. I believe with every fiber of my being, Hochstetter will make you suffer long after he has the answers he wants from you." Kinch took a deep breathe before he continued. "I also believe it is what is best to help the Allies as well. I pray though, we can pull this off without it coming to that point."

"You're not the only one. Even though I was ready to…you know, it doesn't mean I really want to. I just want it to all be over." Hogan sat on the bed with his back against the wall and his knees pulled up to his chest.

"I understand. Hopefully, it will all be over with soon. Just keep hanging in there. Remember, we got your back. If there's nothing else, Colonel, I'll say good night." Kinch stood facing Hogan. "You've come too far to give up now. Good night."

"Good night," echoed Hogan.

HH

The events of what had happened went through Hogan's mind. Kinch had been right. He can't give up without a fight. There was no doubt in his mind; he would receive some distrusting looks from his men. Thanks to the fool he just made of himself, he deserved it.

The thought of not being trusted or respected bothered Hogan. He never tried to win any popularity contests, but he always had the respect of his men; sometimes even that of the enemy. Because he listened to that stupid voice, he lost their respect. In the end, he may even lose his command.

_Even dead Diels still torments me!_ Hogan grabbed the first thing he got a hold of and flung it across the room. "Damn! I screwed up big this time."

Finally, the pain was gone. The earlier conversation he had with himself before the cramps diverted his attention came to mind. _So maybe I was wrong about my earlier assumption. Maybe I would confess everything for a fix. But I'll be damned if I'm going to let Hochstetter win. I'll die before I let myself become a junky again._

Hogan climbed to the top bunk. The new resolve he made gave him enough peace to finally get some sleep.


	7. The First Encounter

Chapter 7: The First Encounter

It was a long night for everyone. Some of the men had a hard time falling asleep after what they had witnessed. They had all agreed though to give the plan a chance to work before any action was taking against Hogan. Many of them felt the plan was going to fail so they were deciding what they waned to include in their report to London.

Hogan and his men were as prepared as they could be. Now all they had to do was wait. Wait and pray they could pull this off.

Once Hogan awoke, he stayed in his room. After what he did the night before, he didn't know if he could ever face his men again. How could he look into their eyes, knowing they didn't trust him? How could he lead men on missions when they didn't trust him to have their back, and at any moment a craving could strike, resulting in their capture or death? If one of his men died because he messed up due to the addiction, he wouldn't be able to live with himself.

Soon the alarm sounded for roll call. With his head hung in guilt, he took his place in formation. Thankfully, Klink kept it short. All he wanted to do was hide in his room. Making it to his room was proving to be more difficult than he thought. The men who no longer respected him started their blatant show of disrespect.

Before Hogan could make it to the door leading into Barracks 2, men bumped into him or pushed passed him as if he was a common enlisted man and not their commanding officer.

On top of that, they gathered in front of the door way, keeping him from entering. "Excuse me, Gentleman, may I get through?" His comment was ignored. He noticed even the men closest to him were reluctant to be near him. Finally Kinch dispersed the men so Hogan could enter.

Hogan paused a moment at the stove to pour himself a cup of coffee. Just as he reached for the pot, Barns grabbed it, pouring himself a cup. Then he passed it around so others, even men who were not known for drinking coffee, filled their cups before setting the pot back on the stove. When Hogan picked the pot up, it was empty.

"Can I have everyone's attention?" Hogan's comment was ignored like earlier. The men simply carried on with their morning routine, talking and drinking their coffee.

Out of frustration, Hogan threw his cup against the far wall where it shattered. Though crude, it produced the desired effect; silence. "Now here this." Hogan locked eyes with everyone to make sue he had their attention. "Yes, I messed up last night and all of you now know why. I'm not proud of what I did, but what's done is done. Despite what you think about me, I am still your commanding officer and demand the respect due to a person of my rank."

"Not for much longer." The voice belonged to Barns. "Do you think London will leave you in command once they find out you're a junky? You're a liability to this operation, the underground and the Allies. The sooner London finds out the truth about you the better." Barns approached Hogan with arrogance. "And I intend on informing them of the truth as soon as this plan fails."

Hogan held his ground "I'm positive they will relive me of command if they find out. Not to mention, I'll probably be court-martialed and stripped of rank; that I can accept, because it might be what I deserve. But I won't let some hot head whose bucking for a promotion place my men's careers in jeopardy! They lied to protect me. If London discovers they lied, they could be in as much trouble as me. For now, since I am still your CO, I'm ordering everyone to keep their mouth shut about this." Hogan took a threatening step toward Barns. "If my men go down because you decided to be a blabber mouth, I promise you, you will regret it. At that point, I won't have anything left to lose so I will make what life you have left a nightmare."

Without another word Hogan went into his room to wait.

HH

Morning came and went without any sign of Hochstetter. Everyone silently prayed Hochstetter changed his mind and wasn't interested in using the "experimental drug" on Hogan. Since Hogan wouldn't come out of his room for lunch, LeBeau took his food to him.

A few hours later, the dreaded black car pulled in through the front gates. Hogan felt his heart race in anticipation of what was to come. Despite the temperature, Hogan was sweating. He knew why. He could almost taste it. Hogan took a piece of chocolate out of his pocket. With a sigh, he examined it. If someone would have told him a year ago, he would get to the point he hated chocolate, he would have laughed at them. Now…now he was to the point he couldn't stand the sight or smell of it.

He had no choice. As long as he continued to have the cravings, he would force himself to eat the chocolate to help keep them under control. Closing his eyes, he popped the piece of chocolate in his mouth. After he swallowed, he drank a glass of water. _This should help things with Hochstetter._

What seemed to be an eternity later, Schultz entered Barracks 2 and knocked on Hogan's door. "Colonel Hogan, Major Hochstetter requests your presence in Kommandant Klink's office."

Hogan patted his pocked to make sure the syringe containing the cocktail was in there just in case Hochstetter brought the heroin with him. "Lead the way, Schultz."

As soon as Hogan and Schultz left, the men listened in.

Hogan put the best smile he could muster on his face as he greeted Hochstetter and Klink. "I was beginning to think you forgot about me. I've been thinking about what you said yesterday, Major. I'm not going anywhere with you. I don't know what kind of game you are playing, but after taking your little present, I don't want any more of that stuff. You can keep it."

"What! That's impossible. You didn't take it. You couldn't have. If you did, you would be craving more of it. I don't understand," rambled Hochstetter. "Show me proof you took it."

Removing his jacket, Hogan rolled up his sleeve, revealing the fresh puncture mark. "Told ya. Now if there is nothing else, I'm going back to my barracks."

"This isn't over, Hogan. You will come with me now!" growled Hochstetter.

"No he's not," said Klink. "He is a Luftwaffe prisoner and this is a Luftwaffe camp. Unless you have something stating otherwise, your business is finished here. On another note, since he is a Luftwaffe prisoner, anything you do to him must be done under the direct supervision of a Luftwaffe officer. Bring me orders allowing you do whatever to him and I will not interfere, only observe."

"You and your stupid rules. Rules like that are why it will be difficult for us to win this war! I'll return later to pick up where we left off. I will demand more proof the drug doesn't have the same affect it had on you." Hochstetter stormed out.

Hogan collapsed in one of the chairs in Klink's office. "At least that part's over with. Now I just hope he doesn't come back with orders removing me from camp."

Klink picked up the phone. "Frauline Hilda, please get me General Burkhalter on the phone…Yes, General, this is Kommandant Klink…Oh! You know who it is already…Sir, I want to make a complaint. Major Hochstetter just left here and he is trying to remove Colonel Hogan from camp. He said he'll be back…From what I can gather, it is to conduct some sort of experiment on him, which is clearly against the Geneva Convention. If it were to get out an American officer was handed over to the Gestapo so they can conduct experiments on him, there would be serious ramifications…I told him anything done to a Luftwaffe prisoner must be done under Luftwaffe supervision…Danke, Herr General Auf Wiedersehen…What?...Oh, yes. Heil Hitler."

The smile Hogan gave Klink was genuine. "What did Burkahlter say?"

Klink returned Hogan's smile. "It seems the general isn't in favor of experimenting on POW's, especially when in the end, he will be held accountable for it. He will make sure all requests to remove you from camp without just cause will be turned down."

"Thanks, Kommandant." Hogan paused a moment before he continued. "Last night, Carter tried to explain to me about this little cocktail of yours. The problem is, he explained it using medical terms and I had no idea what he was talking about. Do you think you could enlighten me so I know what to expect when I have to shoot up?"

"Sure. You see, there is a small amount of heroin along with some other drugs…" Klink was interrupted.

"I thought we were trying to stay away from me using any heroin. What's going on here?" yelled Hogan.

"It's just a small amount. It's only enough to take the edge off. There isn't enough there to affect you otherwise. The side effects of the other drugs will turn your body against the heroin, thus making it so your body won't crave it any more," explained Klink.

"And what exactly are these side effects?" asked Hogan.

"A little dizziness and nausea. Nothing harmful," said Klink.

Hogan glanced around the office, trying to put all the puzzle pieces together. It didn't make since why Klink would be helping him like this. "Why are you doing this for me?"

"Colonel, if you had willingly taken the heroin, I would not have much pity on you and would let you suffer whatever consequences that may come. Since this was forced upon you, thus breaking the Geneva Convention, which I have been a stickler to adhere to, I have a tendency to be more sympathetic," said Klink.

"That's nice and all, but it doesn't explain why you are risking everything to save an enemy officer. You can get in trouble yourself," said Hogan.

"Remember my friend Hans Kronmen1?" Hogan nodded. "He is the one who saved my life when I was an addict. Then when he was arrested, I was more concerned with saving myself then helping him."

"You and I both know there wasn't anything you could have done to help him. If you would have admitted to being his friend, they would have arrested and executed you as well," said Hogan.

"But aren't friends supposed to stick together no matter what? If I was half as good a friend toward him as he was me, I would have willingly stood beside him during the execution. I guess part of me feels guilty for letting him down. At the time though, you and your men risked your lives to get what was in his deposit box. For that, I am eternally grateful and why I never asked any questions on how you were able to get in it. You were looking out for me and protecting me. I'm now returning the favor; to both of you," said Klink.

"But we didn't know your name was at the top of the Hitler conspiracy list until after I got the envelope back to camp," said Hogan.

"True, but you still protected me. Thanks." Klink went to the sideboard and poured two drinks. One he handed to Hogan. "To friends."

"To friends." Hogan clinked his glass against Klink's and took a drink. "I've been meaning to ask you about that list…Why would Kronmen have your name at the top?"

"How should I know? Maybe it was because we used to be friends and he felt he could trust me," said Klink.

Hogan finished his drink. "I think there is more to it than that. You realize if there is any truth to it, and the Allies win, I could be in a position to help you."

"Hogan, I'm not a brave man. After what I saw during the Great War, I hate fighting. Why do you think I'm running a POW camp?" Klink finished his glass.

"I'm not saying you would waltz into Berchesgarden and pull the trigger. I do believe you would be willing to aid in the conspiracy in other ways. Kommandant, you are going to need Allied friends when the time comes. Be honest with me. Why would Kronmen put your name on the top of the list?" asked Hogan.

"You may be right, but I don't know of any way to help. I know nothing of conspiracies or anything like that. I am just an officer doing his duty to his country," said Klink.

"You said country and not to noodle brains. I know you're not a party member and despite what you may say or do every now and then, I know you dislike the Nazis as much as we do. You can be a great help to the Allies and possibly even shorten the war." Hogan sat on the edge of his seat. "Think about the possibilities."

"And what would you have me do, Colonel? Free the prisoners? Or perhaps you would like me to surrender the camp to you?" asked Klink, sarcastically.

Hogan laughed. "I wouldn't expect you to do something so drastic. Then again the surrender part seems nice…No, just continue to be you and look the other way every now and then. Maybe even let certain bits and pieces of military information slip. What do you say, Kommandant?"

"I think it is best we forget this conversation ever took place. I will chalk it up to the stress of the moment. I recommend you go back to your barracks to get some rest before Hochstetter show's back up. You're dismissed," said Klink.

Hogan put his jacket back on. "Think about it. See you later." Hogan saluted then left.

1 Episode The Safe Cracker Suite


	8. Round Two

Chapter 8: Round Two

It seemed like waiting was all Hogan did now a days. Part of him wished Hochstetter would hurry up so this whole mess would be over with and part of him wished Hochstetter forgot about him or found another hobby.

In the barracks, he received stares of contempt from most of the men. He could tell by their expression and body language they didn't trust or respect him any more. After the stunt he pulled last night, who could blame them? They weren't the only ones who lost respect for him; he lost respect for himself.

But Hogan has never been a quitter, no matter the odds. This however pushed him beyond what he thought he could endure. He couldn't let the small few who did have faith in him down and some how, no matter how long it takes, he would earn the respect back he once had. Maybe, he'd learn to respect himself again.

Just after dinner, Hochstetter showed up. This time, Hogan knew Hochstetter had the heroin on him. He could already hear it call to him. He craved it more now then ever. Sweat ran down his face, his skin itched. A desert had more moisture in it than his mouth did at the moment.

_Get a hold of yourself Rob or you'll blow it; letting everyone who has tried to help you down._

Schultz entered Hogan's room. "It's time, Colonel."

Hogan only nodded. As he followed Schultz, his insides started to shake. He didn't have to worry about Klink's cocktail making him nauseated, he already was.

"I promised you, Hogan, I would be back. Klink has his orders." Hochstetter turned to Klink. "Interfere and I promise you, Kommandant, you will find yourself at the Russian front."

_I've come back to you, Robert. We can be together again with no one to stop us this time. Take me, I'm yours._

Turning his head toward the voice, Hogan saw the small black box on Klink's desk. He knew what was in it.

"Hogan, I want to watch you inject yourself with the drug as proof," said Hochstetter.

Hogan opened the box. There laid the answer to all his problems. Realizing he was losing control to resist, he shut the box. "No. I don't want to feel like I did yesterday. I'm done playing your game."

"I thought you might say that. Bring him in," ordered Hochstetter.

One of Hochstetter's guards brought Carter in, forcing him to kneel on the floor. The guard had the tip of his rifle pointed at Carter's head. "Inject the experimental drug or watch him die."

"Now wait a minute, Major. There is nothing about this in these orders!" yelled Klink.

"Shut up, Klink or get out. Do it now, Hogan," growled Hochstetter.

"You win." Hogan held the syringe in his hand, staring at it a moment before he removed his jacket.

After he was seated, he laid the syringe on the desk and rolled up his sleeve. Taking a quick glance at Carter, Hogan gave a slight nod, and then took off his belt. He wiped the sweat from his eyes before he tied the belt around his arm. By now, his hands were shaking so badly, he didn't think he could hit a vein if he wanted to.

"I…can't." Hogan wiped more sweat from his face.

"Give me that." Hochstetter yanked the syringe from Hogan.

A groan escaped Hogan's lips as Hochstetter uncaringly forced the needle into Hogan's arm. Shortly after the plunger was pushed all the way down, a moan of pleasure escaped from Hogan's smiling lips.

Suddenly, Hogan grabbed his head as he leaned forward; groaning in pain again. "Make it stop! Make everything stop spinning!" Hogan fell forward to his knees, still holding his head. "I think I'm going to be sick."

Without hesitation, Klink moved his trashcan close to Hogan. Upon receiving it, Hogan made good use of it as he lost the battle of keeping the contents of his dinner down.

"What did you give him?" demanded Klink.

"An experimental drug is all," said Hochstetter a little puzzled.

Without warning, Hogan fell over unconscious. Klink was kneeling beside him, checking for a pulse. "Schultz, take Colonel Hogan to the infirmary." Klink stared at Hochstetter with contempt. He stood toe to toe with Hochstetter. "I complied with your orders and let you conduct your experiment. You have your results now leave."

"Something must have gone wrong. I will return tomorrow to continue with the experiment." Hochstetter stormed out of Klink's office, slamming the door behind him.

Carter was still in too much shock to move or say anything. Klink finally noticed him. "Don't worry, Sergeant. Everything went according to plan. He will have some dizziness and a headache for a while as well as the nausea, but nothing long lasting. Make sure when you take his jacket to him, you dispose of the syringe with the heroin in it." Carter only nodded. "You're dismissed, Sergeant."

HH

Klink sat quietly at his desk as he remembered having the same reaction to the cocktail. It was the second worst feeling of his life. The first was when he was going through the withdrawals. After the first injection of the cocktail, he no longer craved heroin. He knew he lied to Hogan about it containing heroin, but Hansie said it was crucial the person believes there is heroin in it. As long as they believe the cocktail contains heroin, they will associate heroin with the very negative and unpleasant reaction. Since the body will not want to go through that again, he stops craving the heroin.

There was a sigh. Sometimes though, depending how strong of a hold the heroin had on the person, it may take more than one injection of the cocktail.

Remembering Hochstetter saying he would return tomorrow, he decided to have Burkhalter present to help end this. He didn't know if Hogan would be able to continue now knowing the side effects the cocktail has.

HH

Hogan came to a couple of hours later. When he opened his eyes, he found himself staring into the worried faces of his friends. Felling a wave of nausea, he closed his eyes again. "Can I have some privacy, please?"

"Klink's orders till stand; you are not to be left alone," said Newkirk.

"I understand, but if I was you, I wouldn't stand so close. You may later regret it." Hogan felt something cool on his face and opened his eyes again. LeBeau had placed a cool cloth on his forehead. With a smile he said, "Thanks. So what happened after I passed out?"

"Hochstetter stormed out of here mad and said he would be back tomorrow," said Kinch.

"Great." There was a moment of silence while Hogan fought to not vomit again. "I wonder how many times I have to go through this before he gives up?"

"Tomorrow should be the last," said a voice from the doorway. Everyone turned to see Klink standing there.

"You said a little dizziness. Do you call this a little dizziness?" griped Hogan.

"If I would have told you the exact reaction you would have, there might have been a chance you wouldn't go through with it. I've called General Burkhalter. He will be here when Hochstetter returns."

"Just what I need; an audience to watch me puke my toenails out," said Hogan.

"Oh, Colonel, something else I forgot to mention is, the experimental drug may cause the person to have some violent tendencies if you know what I mean." Klink gave Hogan a smile.

Returning the smile he said, "Kommandant, are you telling me what I think you're telling me?"

"I'm not telling you anything. I'm only stating a fact for you to take how you want. I shall be turning in now. I suggest everyone here get some rest. Good evening gentlemen." Klink gave Hogan a lazy salute then left.


	9. Experimental Flu Vaccine

Chapter 9: Experimental Flu Vaccine

After morning roll call, Hogan was allowed to return to his barracks. He was still extremely dizzy and had a headache that felt like it was the size of Europe. Even though he was still nauseated, nothing came up.

"Colonel, Burkhalter just showed up," said Carter.

"One down, one to go." Hogan laid his head down on his arms. He felt so tired and drained. He didn't know if he had the energy to go through that again.

He thought about the stares the men gave him. This time he didn't care what they thought of him. From the few glances he stole before he had to sit down, some of the stares turned to awe.

Klink was right about one thing, since taking the cocktail, he no longer had the strong, over powering cravings he had. The mere thought of the heroin made him want to…In a flash, Hogan ran to his room, slamming his door behind him, so he could vomit in peace. So much for nothing coming up.

Once he was sure he'd be fine for a while, he wondered back to the common room to wait.

This time, the wait was short. A few minutes later, Hochstetter showed up. "He's here," said Carter with dismay.

"Good. I'm tired of waiting." Hogan didn't look up when he heard the barracks door open. "Let me guess. I've been invited to a tea party as the guest of honor?"

"I'm sorry, Colonel," said Schultz, sympathetically.

"I know you are. So am I." Very slowly, Hogan stood. He had to hold onto the table to steady himself. After a moment, he felt he could walk without falling down or vomiting.

When he entered Klink's office, he did the best he could at giving a more formal salute. "Present as requested."

"It has been brought to my attention, Colonel Hogan; Major Hochstetter has been trying an experimental drug on you. I pointed out this was in clear violation of the Geneva Convention. Then I was informed after you found out it was an experimental flu vaccine for prisoners, you volunteered to let the Gestapo test it on you. Is what Major Hochstetter tells me correct?" asked Burkhalter.

_Not even close. _"Who am I to call the major a liar?" said Hogan with a smile. "We all know the Gestapo never lie so what he said must be true."

"I hardly doubt that. Major, are you going to tell me what this drug is really for or not?" Burkhalter held the syringe up in his hand.

To Hogan's surprise, he didn't hear the voice of the drug calling to him. _Maybe this concoction of Klink's really does work after all._ He grabbed the back of the chair to keep from losing his balance. He could feel his stomach flopping. Any moment, one of the side effects, if not both, would get the better of him.

"Tell me or I shall be forced to turn this "vaccine" over to the Red Cross for testing," threatened Burkhalter.

When Hogan glanced at Klink, Klink gave a slight nod.

"There will be no need for that…" was all Hochstetter got out before Hogan acted.

Hogan snatched the syringe out of Burkhalter's hand and slammed the needle into Hochstetter's arm. "I think you need to try the vaccine, Major." Before Hochstetter could react, Hogan forced the contents into Hochstetter's arm.

Before one of the guards could get Hogan off of Hochstetter, it was too late and the damage was done. "Look what you did, Major. You made a perfectly cowed prisoner violent with your drug!"

"I want that man arrested for assaulting me!" yelled Hochstetter.

"Major, is it true you gave Hogan an injection yesterday of this drug?" asked Burkhalter.

Hochstetter's eyes were losing focus. "I…guess."

"Are you alright, Major?" asked Burkhalter.

"Fine, how about you?" asked Hochstetter in a pleasant voice.

"Get Major Hochstetter out of here. Klink, until further notice, I want Hogan treated like a violent prisoner. Anytime he is not locked up in a cell, he is to be handcuffed," ordered Burkhalter.

"Schultz, get in here with a pair of handcuffs." Facing so only Hogan could see; Klink gave an apologetic smile. Hogan nodded in understanding.

"Who should I handcuff, Herr Kommandant?" asked Schultz.

"Hogan you fool!" yelled Burkhalter.

Schultz had just finished handcuffing Hogan's hands behind his back when Hogan lashed out at Hochstetter again, trying to kick him. Before he could do anything though, Schultz yanked him out of reach.

"Get them both out of here. I will send a note to Hochstetter and his superiors any further experiments with this drug should be terminated," said Burkhalter. Once everyone was gone, "Klink, our reports to Berlin on the matter will state what Hochstetter first told me. If the truth of this ever gets out, we would be facing war crimes. If you so much as breathe a word of the truth to anyone, you better have your snowshoes packed.

Understood?"

"Yes, Sir. I understand." Klink paused. "You mean to tell me it wasn't an experimental flu vaccine for prisoners?"

"I'm leaving now. Call me if Hochstetter or Hogan gives you any more troubles." Burkhalter returned Klink's salute then left.

HH

No sooner had Hogan stepped off the bottom step, he fell to his knees. It had taken all his strength to fight the dizziness and the urge to vomit. Now that it was over, he lost his fight.

Good ole Schultz was kneeling beside Hogan, keeping him from falling forward. With a weak smile, he glanced at Schultz, "Thanks."

"Any time. Let me help you up." Gently, Schultz helped Hogan to a standing position.

"I think I got it now." As soon as Schultz let go, Hogan fell back to his knees. "Guess I don't have it."

The next thing Hogan knew, Kinch was at his side. "I've got him, Schultz."

"Where did you come from?" asked Hogan.

"I saw Schultz having trouble and thought I'd lend a hand." Kinch grabbed one of Hogan's arms while Schultz grabbed the other. Together they were able to escort Hogan to the cooler without him falling down.

"Schultz, you mind if I talk to Colonel Hogan alone?" asked Kinch.

"I will give you a few minutes." Schultz left to stand watch at the main door.

"Hand over the syringe," Kinch said flatly.

"This one is the cocktail." Hogan handed Kinch the syringe. "Nothing to worry about. I injected Hochstetter with the heroin."

"Couldn't happen to a nicer guy," said Kinch.

"If you don't mind, I'm going to lay down. If I'm lucky, I won't wake up until the whole mess passes over." Hogan didn't wait for Kinch to leave before he laid down.

"Get well, Sir." Kinch smiled then left.


	10. All To Forget

Chapter 10: All To Forget

Later that day, Klink paid Hogan a visit. Klink found Hogan lying on the cot with his arm draped over his eyes. He was going to let Hogan be in peace when he heard, "How long is this supposed to last?"

"Probably about another day. I'm sorry I didn't tell you everything, but I thought it was for the best. Besides the nausea and dizziness, how do you feel?" asked Klink.

Hogan slowly sat up. "I was feeling better until I saw the syringe in Burkhalter's hand. Then the dizziness and nausea hit me all at once. For a moment, I thought when I attacked Hochstetter; I was going to end up throwing up on him."

"Part of me wished you would have. What possessed you to inject Hochstetter with the heroin?" asked Klink.

With a short laugh, Hogan answered, "I figured he should join me in this fun I've been having. So how much trouble am I in?"

"Well until further notice, you are to be treated like a violent prisoner and kept locked up," said Klink.

"Gee, thanks." Hogan leaned his head back waiting for some of the dizziness to subside.

"Since in all the time you've been here, you've never acted violently toward anyone for any reason, Burkhalter is convinced your violent outburst is in direct relation to the drug. Our reports to Berlin will reflect that. He is also sending a notice to Hochstetter and his superiors all research with this experimental drug is to be terminated," said Klink proudly.

"Praise God for small miracles. I guess all is good then?" asked Hogan.

"You might say that." Klink was hesitant at divulging to Hogan what else would be in the report.

"You're not telling me everything," said Hogan flatly.

"Our reports are to include what Hochstetter said about the experimental drug being a flu vaccine for prisoners and you volunteered to let the drug be used on you," said Klink.

"What! You can't do this to me." Hogan instantly regretted his yelling.

Klink waited for Hogan to quit vomiting before he continued. "I'm sorry about that. If I don't go along with it, I will end up at the Russian front and of no help to anyone." Klink removed a piece of paper from his pocket and stuck it through the bars. "I brought you something to read."

Slowly, Hogan made his way over to Klink. A large smile appeared on his face when he read the paper. "What happens when they find this order missing?"

"You know how things are. Paperwork is always getting lost or misplaced. I'm sure between that and some of the other evidence you have gathered, you may have a case against the guilty ones," said Klink with a smile.

"I meant what I said earlier. I can protect you when the time comes; all you have to do is say the word." Hogan tucked the paper in his pocket.

"I've been thinking about what you said. If I didn't know better, I'd think you may have confessed something to me. How do you know I won't use it against you?" asked Klink.

"You were right to assume it is the stress of the moment. I wasn't thinking or talking clearly." Hogan paused before changing the subject. "You said you were addicted after World War I didn't you?" Klink nodded. "You said it was to forget. I've heard people talk about how bad things were, but I haven't been able to get anyone to talk about it. My old man lost his leg during that war. He would never say how or talk about it. I never pegged you for ever seeing combat. I don't suppose you'd mind if I asked you a couple of questions?"

Klink pulled up a stool and sat down. "To be honest, yesterday was the first time I ever mentioned anything about it to anyone. I don't know if I will be able to answer all of your questions, but go ahead and ask."

"Where to start? How does this war differ from the last one?" asked Hogan.

"I'd say the weapons are more advanced. The ones fighting on the front line may differ though. Next question," said Klink.

"Were you in the Luftwaffe back then?" asked Hogan.

"Yes and no. I was at the beginning. After I crashed in my bi-plane, I transferred to the Wermacht. After fighting in the trenches for a while, I decided to transfer back to the Luftwaffe. My transfer didn't come in until after the war had ended." Klink sat silently as he waited for the next question.

"I've heard some bad things about some of the stuff that went on in the trenches. Are they true?" asked Hogan.

It took a moment for Klink to answer. "No, it was much worse. Some times we were packed in the trenches like sardines. No place to move. Most of the time, there were too many people to walk past to make it to the latrine, so you went where you stood. I think the summers were the worst. There was no place to put the bodies of those who had been killed. It was nothing to have your buddies rotting corpse lying next to you for a few days. Then there was the bugs and the smell…" Upon seeing Hogan go pale, he decided to not be so descriptive. "I think you get the picture now."

A moment of silence passed before Hogan asked his next question. "How did you get hurt?"

"An explosive device was thrown in where I was. I dove for cover, but not before my back got peppered with shrapnel. I landed in one of those corpses I told you about. That is what gives me the nightmares and why I wanted to forget." A moment of silence passed between the two men. "Are there any more questions?"

"No, Sir. Not at the moment," Hogan said staring at Klink.

"I'm going to keep you in here until the drugs are out of your system. I will allow your men to visit you. I'm also keeping a guard on duty just incase you should require anything. I'll ask Corporal LeBeau to make you something light. You need to keep your strength up. Have a good evening, Colonel."

"Good evening and thanks, Kommandant." Hogan laid back down before he vomited again and drifted off to sleep.

HH

A few days later, Hogan found himself still sitting in the cell. Except for a headache and a little nausea, he felt much better.

He heard some voices in the hall and hoped it was someone to let him out.

He walked over to the barred door to see who was there. To his surprise, he saw Kinch and Tiger! What on earth was she doing here?

Tiger gave Hogan a warm smile as she went into one of the iron door cells down the hall. "Kinch, you mind explaining to me what is going on here?"

"We were thinking. In the states, they sometimes allow prisoners to have conjugal visits. We figured with all you've been through, you deserve it," said Kinch .

If Hogan didn't know better, he could have sworn Kinch was blushing. "Have you given any thought to us getting caught?"

"Don't worry, Schultz said you have about forty-five minutes until the guard shift." Kinch unlocked the cell door. "I suggest you don't waste a minute of it. I'll be back in forty minutes to get Tiger out of here. Later, Colonel."

Hogan walked into the cell Tiger was waiting in. Was it his imagination, or was she blushing also? "Tiger, not that I'm happy to see you, because I am. It's just what on earth are you doing here?"

"Kinch told me you have been having some problems lately and I was the only person who could help you. So here I am," said Tiger.

"How much do you know what has been happening?" Hogan asked.

Tiger shook her head. "Nothing except the Gestapo have been putting some pressure on you to confess to being Papa Bear and this time around, they tried an experimental drug on you with some negative side effects. I wasn't sure why they called me. I didn't know how I could help you. Then as gentlemanly as possible, Kinch explained how I was to help you."

_Gentlemanly?_ _What is Kinch up to?_ "So how exactly is it you can help me?" asked Hogan.

"Let me show you."


	11. Better Than Chocolate

Chapter 11: Better Than Chocolate

Hogan lay on his side as he watched Tiger get dressed. When she had finished, she sat on the floor next to him. "Boy, are you beautiful!"

Blushing, Tiger said, "Merci."

"Now I know why the two of you were blushing earlier. My question is how did Kinch know?" asked Hogan.

"That I do not know. But I'm glad he did." Tiger smiled at Hogan.

He sat up and put his hand behind her head. "I love you." Pulling her head close to his, he kissed her.

There was a knock on the door. "Times up. Tiger, you ready to go?"

"If she says no, will you leave us alone?" asked Hogan.

"Look, I don't care if the two of you spend the rest of your lives together, but the Kraut coming on duty may have different thoughts of the matter," said Kinch.

"I really must go," Tiger said pulling away from Hogan.

"Give me a moment to get dressed," said Hogan. Hogan quickly pulled his pants on. He'd worry about his shirt later.

"Ready or not, I'm opening the door." Kinch slowly opened the door. "You got to go back to your other cell, Colonel."

"I know. Which reminds me; I need to ask Klink why I'm still in here." Hogan stopped before he entered his cell. He glanced back at Tiger. He pulled her close to him as he wrapped his arms around her. Pushing her body against the wall, he kissed her passionately.

Kinch turned around to give them privacy. "Colonel, the guard will be here in two minutes. I have to get her out of here. You don't want her to get caught do you?"

He pulled away, both breathing heavily. "No, I don't. Get her out of here." Hogan walked into his cell, pulling the door closed behind him.

Kinch quickly locked it before Hogan decided to come back out. "I'll see if I can find out why you're still here. Have a good night, Colonel."

"Auvoir, Robert." Tiger blew him a kiss, and then followed Kinch to the tunnel entrance.

HH

The next after noon, Hogan heard foot steps coming down the hall. He sat up to greet his visitor. Sergeant Koenig opened the cell door. Hogan rolled his eyes. Of all the people to come and get him, it had to be one of the "not tamed" guards.

"Turn around and place your hands on the wall," ordered Koenig.

He knew better than to mess with this one. Hogan obediently complied. As he felt the cold steel close around his wrists, his eyes closed as he tried to control his breathing. As he was searched for weapons, his eyes remained shut. It took all his strength to control his panic.

Satisfied Hogan was unarmed; Koenig grabbed him by the arm and drug him to Klink's office.

"I'm going. You don't have to be so rough." Hogan nearly fell forward when he was pushed into Klink's office.

"General. Kommandant. To what do I owe the honor of being drug here?" asked Hogan.

He almost laughed at the stern look Klink gave Koenig. "Did Colonel Hogan give you any trouble?"

"Nein, Herr Kommandant," said Koenig.

"Then why were you so rough with him?" asked Klink.

"To make sure he didn't give me any trouble," said Koenig.

"Sounds reasonable enough to me," said Burkhalter. "Sergeant, you're dismissed." After Koenig left, Burkhalter turned his attention to Hogan. "So, Colonel, I hear you've been a good boy lately and haven't attacked anyone."

"I don't know why I attacked Major Hochstetter the other day. I couldn't stop myself. If at all possible, I would like to see him so I can apologize. After all, he was only looking out for my men's best interest by finding a flu vaccine to keep them from getting sick. Between you and me, I think the vaccine is worse than having the flu," said Hogan in a low voice.

"Colonel, are you still feeling any side effects from the vaccine?" asked Burkhalter.

"No, Sir. It appears it is all out of my system. I would appreciate it if I could return back to my barracks, Sir," said Hogan with as much innocence as he could.

Burkhalter reached into his pocket, placing a syringe with a milky white liquid in it on Klink's desk.

Hogan saw the nervous glance Klink gave him and smiled. "I'm sorry, General, I've already had all the flu inoculation I can stand. Thanks for the offer though."

To Klink and Burkhalter's surprise, Hogan didn't stare at the syringe with the same hungry look he had before. To Hogan's surprise, he had no desire for the liquid. Well maybe a little one. But it was nothing like what he had faced in the passed. The cravings he now felt, were in controllable levels. He may even get through it without relying on chocolate. _Especially now that I've found something that works better than chocolate._

"I guess you are right, Colonel. I wanted to make sure you wouldn't go into any more violent acts when you see the syringe. It is safe to say you can be released from the cooler. However, if I hear of you attacking another German again, I will lead your firing squad! Do I make myself clear?" yelled Burkhalter.

"Perfectly. Keep all experimental drugs away from me and no innocent Krauts…sorry, I mean Germans will get hurt. By the way, you never did say how Major Hochstetter is doing?" asked Hogan.

"He is in the hospital suffering from the flu," said Burkhalter.

"Such a shame. I guess I won't be able to apologize to him in person not only for attacking him, but apparently for making him sick as well. General, would it be okay if I sent him a get well card?" asked Hogan trying to act a sincere as possible, while knowing good well he wasn't in the hospital for the flu.

Both German officers had a puzzled expression on their face. The only explanation they could come up with, the "experimental drug" had affected his mind.

"Colonel, it isn't customary for enemy officers to send each other get well cards? Why do you want to send him a card?" asked Burkhalter.

"I know it's not customary and we are enemies and all, but I feel rotten for what I did to him. I had no right attacking him when he was only trying to help my fellow prisoners." _Oh my goodness! If Burkhalter buys this load of horse crap, I'm better than I thought._

There was stunned silence. Burkhalter was the first to speak. "If you feel that strongly, I will deliver the card to him personally. How soon can you get it too me?"

Hogan thought a moment. "It shouldn't take too long; about a half hour or so."

"I guess I can wait around for a half hour. You're dismissed, Hogan." Hogan saluted Burkhalter and Klink then left.


	12. Moving Forward

Chapter 12: Moving Forward

A/N: Warning- minor curse word in chapter.

A half hour later, Hogan returned to Klink's office with his card. He handed it to Burkhalter. It had a lifelike picture of a syringe on the front. On the inside it said

A shot in the arm is to make you feel better.

I guess in your case it didn't really matter.

I am sorry I made you feel blue.

Ah-ee-achew

May God Bless you

"Hogan, you can't write poetry to save your life. But I guess it's the thought that counts. I shall deliver it to him." Burkhalter stood. "I hope I don't hear of any more problems from this camp, Klink. Perfect no escape record or not, troublesome people can find themselves transferred."

"No problems from me, Sir. Have a good trip back to Berlin. Tell the Furher hi for me," said Klink.

"I'll think about it." Burkhalter left.

"Hogan, you can be diabolical," said Klink.

With his best innocent face he said, "Who me? How could you say such a thing after out of the kindness of my heart I sent Hochstetter a get well card?"

"Because I know you don't believe for a moment he's is the hospital with the flu. You know the real reason why he's in there and you know what seeing the picture of the syringe will do to him," said Klink.

"He's just lucky I didn't get permission to visit him. I may have decided to give him his present back." Hogan smiled at the pleasant thought of the discomfort Hochstetter was going through.

"You mentioned earlier you never figured me for being in combat. Did you ever wonder how I earned this Iron Cross?"

Hogan shook his head. "I guess I never noticed or thought about it before."

"Figured as much." Klink remained silent to see if Hogan would proud him for the story or if he still didn't care.

"I assume since there is no swastika on it, you earned it before Noodle Brains took power. So tell me, what happened?" asked Hogan.

Klink smiled. "My unit had just finished a mission and somehow on the way back to base, I got separated from my squad."

"The 410th wasn't it?" asked Hogan.

"I see you paid attention to one of my stories after all. Yes, I was with the 410th. In the distance I saw an arial battle being fought and figured it was my squad. As I neared, I realized it wasn't my squad, but that of the Red Baron and his flying circus," said Klink "It appeared they were not fairing so well in this fight. One of the Allied plans had the Red Baron in his sights. Thinking fast, I used the wing of my plane to tip the enemies wing in hopes of getting him off the Barons tail long enough to give the Red Baron a chance to get into position to strike back. It worked, except before the Red Baron could shoot him down, he peppered my plane with bullets and down I went."

"Wow that was some sacrifice. Since you're here, that means you survived the crash; what happened next?" asked Hogan.

"The crash knocked me unconscious. I woke up in the hospital with a concussion, fractured arm, broken ribs and a few bullet holes in my leg. Shortly after coming to, the Baron was standing at the foot of my bed. 'Captain, I appreciate your quick thinking to save my life. After having a talk to your superiors, it is my honor to inform you, your promotion to Major came through. Congratulations, Major.' He handed me my new rank. 'It is also my pleasure to present you with this Iron Cross.''

"That was some honor. I'm impressed," said Hogan with all sincerity.

"It's about time I find something I did that impresses you." Changing the subject, Klink removed a piece of paper out his pocket. "I contacted the hospital where the test was run to discover what exactly the "experimental drug" was. It appeared all the main test records have been destroyed." Klink handed Hogan the paper. "It's amazing how some files get misplaced and not destroyed."

"Kommandant, between this and the order you gave me, this should be enough to nail the guilty for what they did. Thanks." Hogan paused a moment before he continued. "You do realize your name is specifically mentioned on the order you gave me. If I turn it in as evidence, you could be held accountable as well and punished."

Cleaning his monocle, Klink said, "I know. But I was hoping you would also turn in a certain list you found in a safe deposit box."

"What are you saying, Kommandant?" asked Hogan.

"You said all I would have to do is continue to be who I am, look the other way every so often and on an occasion let some military information slip. How does that differ from what I do now?" asked Klink.

"The reason why you do it. Now, you do it as an honest mistake or to save your own hide," said Hogan. "You give me your word you will do it to help the Allies and I will do everything I can to protect you when the war ends."

Klink replaced the monocle in his eye. "What if you are over ruled? Prison camp kommandants are not very popular. They may decide to execute me on the spot."

Hogan stared Klink straight in the eyes. "That may be true, but you won't die alone."

"What are you talking about? Schultz isn't an officer and they would have no reason to execute him." Klink thought a moment. "I guess there is a chance Burkhalter could be standing beside me."

"That isn't who I was talking about." Hogan started to smile.

"Gruber?" asked Klink.

Hogan laughed. "What was it you said about friends when you were talking about Hans Kronmen?"

"Friends stick together and I would have gladly stood beside him during the execution if I was the same kind of friend toward him he was to me," said Klink with puzzlement.

With an even bigger smile, Hogan stood and saluted. "Am I dismissed, Sir?"

"Who else is there left?" Klink stared questioningly at Hogan. "You don't mean." Klink pointed at Hogan. Hogan only shrugged. "But why would they want to execute you, one of their own men?"

"When the camp is liberated, and the records are gone through, they will find instances on how I have been most understanding and cooperative. The brass kind of frown on stuff like that," said Hogan.

"I never thought of it like that. Colonel, I do believe Fauline Hilda might need help organizing the files tomorrow. Do you think you can organize a work detail to help her? The men will be rewarded with an extra slice of white bread," said Klink with a smile.

Hogan smiled in return. "I'll see what I can arrange. Have a good day, Kommandant."

HH

Hogan and his men sat around the table in the common room, playing cards and drinking coffee. The work detail that helped Hilda did a great job at rewording some of the file records about Hogan being understanding and cooperative. The deal with Klink was working out nicely. Klink would either read important mail out loud or conveniently leave it lying on his desk for Hogan to see.

While sitting there, Schultz entered the barracks with the Red Cross packages. The men opened their packages eagerly. "Wait a minute, Schultz," said Hogan as he opened his package. "These are for you." Hogan handed him all the chocolate bars in his package.

Schultz just stared at Hogan. "What are these for? Do you want information or something? Please, Colonel Hogan, do not do anything to get me into trouble. I know nothing…"

"Relax, Schultz. I don't want anything and no, we're not doing anything where you might get into trouble." _At least not right now. "_I've had my fill of chocolate bars lately and decided to give them to you."

Eying them suspiciously, Schultz put them in his pocket. "If you say so." Then left.

"But, Colonel, what if you start getting a craving again?" asked LeBeau.

Hogan smiled with a twinkle in his eye and a shrug. "What cravings? Thanks to that cocktail Carter made, I have no desire for the drug any more."

"I wish we had something besides that one syringe as proof the Nazis are conducting experiments on POW's," said Newkirk. "As it stands, the syringe by it's self doesn't prove anything."

Removing the papers Klink had given him over a month ago from his pocket, he threw them on the table toward Newkirk. "You mean something like these?"

Newkirk's eyes widened when he read them. "Blimey!"

"What is it?" asked Kinch.

The papers were handed to him. Kinch glanced at Hogan after reading them. "How did you get these? This is enough to at least get a good investigation started. One is the order giving Hochstetter permission to use the experimental drug on Colonel Hogan and the other are the test results from the sample Hochstetter took in, proving heroin is what was being used as the experimental drug."

The men cheered. They stopped when they noticed Hogan didn't seem happy. "What is it, Colonel?" asked Carter.

"Yes, we have enough evidence, but if this gets turned in, then London will know you lied to them," said Hogan, resting his head on his hands in thought.

"I'm sure we can come up with a story. How about we tell them we just found out the truth?" asked Newkirk.

Hogan shook his head. "It would work until the investigation started. Then London would find out you and I lied to them. Even if they did believe us, it would still go on my record."

"What do you plan on doing, Colonel?" asked Kinch.

"Surely you don't mean to drop it?" said Newkirk.

"If it was just me involved, I may be willing to risk everything to see the Nazis punished. I will not however, risk your careers. I'll just have to be satisfied with knowing the hell Hochstetter is now going through and getting even in other ways." Hogan took the papers back. He stood in front of the stove with its door open.

"Colonel, you can't do that. We'll take our chances," said Newkirk.

"It's not right those filthy bosche get away with this!" said LeBeau almost in tears.

"I know, but what's done is done. All of you looked out for me and took care of me. Now it's my turn to repay the favor." Hogan threw the papers into the fire then sat back down at the table with his head bowed. He knew he did the right thing, but it didn't make it any easier.

"Um, Colonel Hogan," said Barns as he approached him hesitantly.

"Yes, Barns?" asked Hogan as he faced him.

Barns was so ashamed for his actions since learning Hogan had been addicted to heroin, he couldn't look him in the eyes. "I over heard the guys talking about what happened in Klink's office and what you did to Hochstetter. I doubted you could have been able to pull it off. I'm sorry for doubting one of your plans could work. I shouldn't have given up on you so easily, especially after all you've been through just to protect us. I'm ashamed for wanting to hand you over to London without giving you a chance first to redeem yourself. I know if it was one of us, you would never give up on us. I'm also sorry for the way we…I treated you and not give you the respect you deserve. You deserve more respect than any man I know. And this sacrifice you've made to protect everyone…I can't believe you're going to let them get away with it, but I can understand your reasoning. Can you forgive us…me?"

"I'm glad you understand the error of your ways. I completely understand why you reacted the way you did, but that is no excuse for the blatant show of disrespect. As long as you promise to not make the same mistake again, all's forgiven." Hogan paused a moment before he continued. Now was his turn to fix the mess he made and start to earn their respect back. "I did make a fool of myself. If it's any consolation, you weren't the only ones to give up on me; I gave up on myself. Kinch, you still have that syringe of heroin hiding somewhere?" asked Hogan.

With curiosity, he nodded. "Yes. Why?"

"Because I want it." Hogan held up his hands to quiet the men. "It's not for what you think. I know many of you don't trust me any more and are afraid I might decide to turn to the drug again. I can't blame you, I wouldn't trust me either after witnessing what I did to try and get the drug. There are others who want to trust me, but want proof first I can be trusted. Well, I'm now asking you to let me give you that proof. Kinch, may I please have the heroin?"

Kinch glanced at the other men for their approval. Once all of them nodded, Kinch retrieved the syringe from the tunnels and handed it to Hogan.

He held it high in the air. "This is the syringe Hochstetter gave me a month ago that I switched for the cocktail Carter made. He gave it to me in hopes of getting me so addicted to it, I'd reveal any military information I know, admit to being Papa Bear and anything else his evil mind could think up. Before all of you as my witnesses, I make this promise. I will never let this drug control me again. I also hope this is proof, I will not let you down."

Throwing the syringe on the ground, he stomped on it, smashing it to bits then walked outside; never looking back.

He knew it would be a long time before everyone trusted him fully again. Heck, it would be a long time before he trusted himself again. After glancing into the eyes of his men before he walked out, he saw hope return to those who doubted. In time, he knew he could win their respect back completely; it was just going to take time.

Staring up at the sun, he sighed. He still wanted to see those Nazi bastards pay for what they did to him and no telling who all else, but the careers of his men were not worth the risk. Besides, he destroyed the only evidence he had that would have made sure they were punished. With a twinkle in his eye, a grin appeared on his face. _If you can't beat them one way, find another. Now when did Klink say they were moving those prisoners from the subcamp? _


End file.
